This is probably the least difficult, yet the most challenging section of this site for me to write.

This section is the true heart of the website. It is the most important part for me to share. I thought this would be the easiest part to write. Yet, it is actually the hardest. I know exactly what I want to say about her, about myself, and about us. Ultimately, I want it to be as perfectly imperfect as she was, and as I am. I hope that makes sense!

From before she was ever born, Jayna was all I could have ever wanted. I wanted to be several things when I grew up, changing my mind often. However, being a mom was the one thing I was always certain of.

January 27th, 1992

Where to begin… in the beginning I suppose.

❤︎ Jayna ❤︎

All About Jae

Born in good health and entirely blessed, Jayna was always a very pleasant baby—smiling and laughing all the time. A true joy. She was a fast learner, hitting all of her infant milestones early: rolling over, crawling, walking, and talking. She kept my parents and me very busy!

I read books to her even before she was born, and my mom and I continued to do so every day after. Then, to my surprise, at the age of three, she started reading her books back to me! From the beginning of her education, I encouraged her to push herself academically. She did, and she performed exceptionally well in school.

She started dance classes at the age of two, taking tap, classical ballet, and Tahitian dance. In school, she loved being involved in plays and discovered she was an excellent vocalist, too. Oh, when she sang, her voice reached straight to your soul; you could feel it to the core of your being. She really enjoyed participating in theatrical productions. Jayna also loved playing the violin, which remained a passion well into adulthood.

Jayna enjoyed being in the Brownie and Girl Scout troops every year until it was time to become a Cadette, at which point she decided she no longer wanted to participate. During her years in the organization, she excelled—learning skills, volunteering, going on trips, and earning many badges alongside her friends.

During her summers, she loved attending Summer Stage for several years. She also enjoyed going on vacations with me to Virginia and Florida, as well as traveling to Puerto Rico with one of her best friends and her family.

Academically, she maintained great grades, made the honor roll and principal’s list multiple times, and became a member of the Junior National Honor Society. In high school, she was inducted into the National Honor Society for Academics and Foreign Language. During those years, she would even wake up very early in the morning to go to school before classes started to teach foreign exchange students English as a second language. Jayna was also in chorus and played field hockey for a short time.

She was able to graduate six months early because she earned all of her required academic credits ahead of schedule. She received several awards for her achievements, along with scholarship offers to attend Rutgers University. She attended Rutgers for a short time before switching to community college and changing majors. While she initially wanted to become a teacher, she changed her mind to study psychology, and later, business.

She started working her first job as a waitress at 14 and continued working in hospitality, holding positions at several well-known establishments in Southern New Jersey—ultimately becoming a well-loved bartender and mixologist.

At the age of 23, she realized something special was about to come along and change her life forever: she was going to have a baby! The thing was, she had no symptoms until she was about six months pregnant. Feeling she didn’t have time to prepare, she made the noble decision to give the baby a chance at a better life through adoption. Initially, I tried to convince her to keep the baby and promised to help her, just as my mom had helped me.

Ultimately, she wanted to move forward with her decision. She deeply wanted her child to have the opportunity to grow up in a two-parent household, which she hadn’t had herself, so I told her I would support whatever she chose to do. She found an agency, and I helped her select the perfect parents for her unborn child. We looked through books containing profiles of prospective parents, and one couple stood out above all the rest. We met with them and loved them instantly! They were the perfect fit in what was truly one of the greatest love stories ever.

Jayna gave birth to a beautiful baby girl who went on to start a brand-new life with her parents. As life moved forward, Jayna was able to maintain contact with them through an open adoption.

I can’t tell her story without telling her whole story. This is from my perspective as her mother; I am certain there are things I will never know, nor want to. As parents normally do, we tell our kids about things they may encounter in life as they come of age. We try to make sure they are knowledgeable and prepared for whatever challenges come their way. I was always open with her. If she had a question, I gave her an honest answer. If she heard about something outside the home and asked me about it, I explained it in a way she could understand, depending on her age at the time. I always encouraged open discussion because I knew difficult social situations would arise.

She was educated about alcohol and drugs when the time was appropriate. She was told never to do the hard stuff, and she knew why. I told her it would kill her. She knew one of my best friends died indirectly because she was in the wrong place at the wrong time in a drug-related situation. I always asked her to be honest with me, and for the most part, she was. I knew when she tried different things, because I told her we could always discuss these things, thankfully they were minor things. After graduating high school, she moved out on her own. She was working, going to college, and starting her own life. Adulting. She was doing okay for a while.

Somewhere along the way, she was introduced to Percocet. It didn’t take long for things to escalate and get beyond her control. After some trying times for both of us, she decided to get the help she needed. After a short time in detox and rehab, she decided—with her doctor and therapist—to try Vivitrol, an opioid blocker. That decision more than likely saved her life at the time.

Over the following years, she worked in the hospitality trade and navigated the usual ups and downs with work, relationships, and life in general. In her last few years on this earth, she settled into a quiet life. Jayna was living a happy life at her house—gardening, cooking, and making a comfy home. She was working on establishing her own business making and selling wire-art dreamcatchers and jewelry, returning to college, and planning for her future.

On September 2nd, 2025—our world changed forever when we lost Jayna.

For a long time, I kept the specific details of her passing close to my heart. Over the months I have spent processing the nature of her death, it has taken time, strength, and healing. On National Fentanyl Awareness Day, I was ready to share her truth and posted this on Facebook:

Jayna’s life was taken by fentanyl poisoning. She obtained or was given what was presented as Xanax. She had no way of knowing it was actually a counterfeit pill—a “pressie.” (Pressies are illegally manufactured, counterfeit pills made in a home pill press. These are fake pills disguised as prescription drugs like Xanax or Oxycodone, or party drugs like MDMA/Molly, and they often contain dangerous substitutes like fentanyl.) She had a pill containing Bromazolam (the designer form of Xanax) laced with a massive, lethal concentration of fentanyl. It most likely took her life instantly. This can happen to anyone. It doesn’t have to be pills; it can happen in other ways, too. Please share what you learn and know with the people you love and care for. Share it with people you don’t know, too!

In sharing this, our only hope is to raise awareness, break the stigma, expose the reality of these deadly counterfeit pills, and help protect another family from this unbearable heartbreak. If you or someone you know needs help reach out to a qualified professional who can assist you. To learn more about the dangers of fentanyl poisoning please check out this link, Facing Fentanyl 

Jayna was so, so much more than the way she left this world. She is deeply loved, endlessly missed, and her memory will always be our Light.

She was resilient. One of the last things she ever said to me a couple of months before she died was, “I’m not going anywhere, Mom. So many things should have killed me by now, and I’m still here.”

So, when I got that call…

Then There’s Us…

I was 21 when I became a mom, and she immediately became my little best friend. We lived with my parents for her first year, so I raised Jayna largely as a single mother—backed by an incredible village. She had the love and support of my parents, her aunts (my closest friends, who remain my lifelong best friends to this day), and her uncle, who stepped up far more than his brother ever did. I also owe a heartfelt thank you to her schoolteachers. She looked up to them so much that they inspired her early dream of becoming an educator, and they played a meaningful role in shaping the person she became. If any of you ever find your way here to read this, please know how grateful she was and I am.

Later in life, our circle grew when I met my husband. With him came bonus siblings and additional grandparents, all of whom love her dearly. I wish she could have had more time to spend here with such a good and loving family.

Raising her, I always made sure to give her a stable home, encourage her education, and expose her to a wide variety of activities. I was always so fiercely proud of her achievements. I cherished being in the audience for every play, awards ceremony, graduation, and game she played. I also have fond memories of surprising her with unexpected gifts or special moments just to see her face light up—I always loved seeing her happy.

I wasn’t always a perfect parent; none of us are. But I made sure I gave her my absolute best. I was adamant about her safety (maybe even a little overprotective at times!). I always ensured that her needs were met, and that she had a loving, grounded home.

There was a stretch of time when we bumped heads—we’ll call them the “terrible teens.” While we skipped the terrible twos, those teenage years were certainly intense! Yet even among the challenges, there were so many good moments. We pushed through them together and emerged closer than ever. I’m sure there are times she may have disliked rules at home, or being grounded for something she should not have done. I always loved her regardless, even when she sometimes had sassy behavior.

Overall, we shared a lifetime of laughter, tears, learning, and growth. We had our own inside jokes, deep late-night conversations, and plans for future adventures. We created art together, worked together, and spent some evenings at concerts because we shared a lot of the same taste in music.

She grew up in a household where music was always playing. I took her to her very first concert when she was 12—Blink-182 and No Doubt. Over the years, we went to many more together (though I’ll always wish it had been even more!). One of the absolute top five moments of my entire life was seeing The Beastie Boys with her at Festival Pier in Philadelphia. We sang, we danced, and we had the time of our lives.

She was her own person, but she was so much like me. Although she is not here physically, she is ever present spiritually, and we just travel across the universe together these days… always in my dreams.

And Me…

Although I miss her terribly, I am not lost without her, because I am not without her—she is always with me. I have a lifetime of memories with her, although far shorter than I would have ever wanted. Even so, I continue on, making new ones, because she is infinitely present. Even on the darkest days, my love for her and how proud I always was of all her accomplishments never wavered. Being her parent is one of the greatest blessings to have ever happened to me; my life is forever better for it. I am eternally fortunate to be her mom.

I will never discount anyone’s personal loss or grief, because many of us have lost someone in a way that has caused us great heartache. Upon receiving the news of her death, I can honestly say I experienced my absolute worst and only true personal fear. For me, losing a child has been the ultimate loss—one I never wanted to own. But in knowing that, I realized that nothing can ever truly break me again. Nothing can hurt me, and nothing can stop me.

After going through the initial shock where your world completely stops—yet you keep moving on autopilot because you have to—I reached a turning point in my healing. I realized I am now called to help others navigating grief, with a primary focus on fellow parents walking this same painful road. I am also called to help protect other families by educating myself more, sharing Jayna’s story with others, and working to help prevent anyone else from losing a loved one in the way we lost her. If I can help prevent parents, grandparents, spouses or significant others, children, siblings, and friends from ever having to feel this devastating feeling—and hopefully save a life somewhere out there—then her legacy continues.

This is Jayna’s Light. ❤︎

A heartfelt exchange of love

Songs our family chose to play during her memorial services, each one chosen to honor her memory, express our love for her, and bring comfort to our hearts. ❤︎
Click on each song to listen to them on YouTube.

• Sweet Child of Mine by Guns N Roses
• Three Little Birds by Bob Marley & the Wailers
• Aerials by System of a Down
• See You On the Other Side by Ozzy Osbourne
• Silent Lucidity by Queensryche
• Don’t Get Lost In Heaven by Gorillaz
• Mama I’m Coming Home by Ozzy Osbourne
• Oh Very Young by Cat Stevens
• Narwhals by John Picking (didn’t play, was unavailable)
• Silver Springs by Stevie Nicks
• All of My Love by Led Zeppelin
• Tears In Heaven by Eric Clapton
• Dream a Little Dream of Me by The Mamas and the Papas
• Bittersweet Symphony by The Verve
• The Sound of Silence by Simon & Garfunkel
• Lumos! (Hedwig Theme) by John Williams (didn’t play, was unavailable)
• Rhianna by Stevie Nicks
• Wish You Were Here by Pink Floyd
• Cemetery Gates by Pantera
• Hollow Moon (Bad Wolf) by AWOLNATION
• Shine On You Crazy Diamond by Pink Floyd (didn’t play, too long)
• All The Things She Said by t.A.T.u.
• D’yer Mak’er by Led Zeppelin
• Somewhere Over The Rainbow by Isreal “IZ” Kamakawiwo’ole